Well, Mike Myers (Austin Powers films) just dropped 99 percent of the respect I once had for him after seeing "Cat in the Hat." This was without a doubt the greatest piece of crap I've been unfortunate enough to witness in years. ANYONE could have given a better performance than Myers even if he or she had been hit by a semi truck and someone stuck a big stupid striped hat on them while hooked up to life support in Memorial Hospital.

Where do I begin? First of all, Myers was cast completely wrong for the part. The picture had an interesting style and simple cute characters, much like "Edward Scissorhands," but when Myers' interpretation of the cat hit the screen, our picture flew downhill.

I honestly think Jeff Goldblum would have made a better title character, no joke.

Director Bo Welch has extensive credits in production design and art direction, but as his first time directing, I fear his next project. The thought makes me feel the need to swallow an M-80. I have never wanted to walk out of a movie so bad since "The Thin Red Line." Yes, I hated that one too. War and Poetry DO NOT MIX!

Anyways, back to THIS piece of s**t. This one was also writer Alec Berg's first cinematic venture as well. His resume only has few credits in TV, including one Academy Award presentation. How does Hollywood hand millions of dollars to these purely talentless individuals. Isn't there some sort of screening process?

I can't say enough horrible things about this pic. However, Alec Baldwin (The Cooler) gives a fun comic book like performance, while Kelly Preston (For Love of the Game) is awesome in anything she does without even opening her mouth. I craved for her to return to the screen during scenes she was absent from.

Frankly, I blame Welch and Myers for this sespool of a film. I'm really angered at millions of dollars being wasted on this crap, when the same money could have gone towards creating 10 socially relevant low budget pictures like "Good Will Hunting" or "American History X."

Myers better come up with something quick for a follow up project; a new Austin Powers pic or something. My patience with him is drawing thin. Even the three year old sitting next to me in the theater said it was stupid, and that's the only demographic this film could possibly play to. That is, unless you count someone who recently suffered a stoke and drools all the time registering no brain activity whatsoever as a demographic.

Stay away from this one, PLEASE! Don't allow this picture to make any more money it already has. I'm trying to save you 78 minutes of pure hell. I may buy a used copy on VHS just so I can take a picture of me urinating on it. Then I can mail it to everyone involved in making the film, excluding Preston, Baldwin, child actors Dakota Fanning (Uptown Girls) and Spencer Breslin (The Kid). However, all of THEIR representation will definitely be getting a copy for allowing their talented clients to take such a f**k of a project.

Benn - Where's the Humanity?